Baby O.J. Touched my Heart December 11, 2008

The 2008 CHOZEN Awards and Hope Award began as a way to encourage and inspire the citizens of Atlanta; and today it has evolved into a mission to help a young mother and her ailing baby boy. To find out how it all began, read the story of Baby Ojore Jevell Bryant below as told by his mother Brittany McMullen .

.: The Story of Baby Ojore Jevell Bryant

I am a 21 year old African American mother living in Atlanta , GA. I just recently had my first child on June 28, 2008. His name is Ojore Jevell Bryant, but you can call him O.J. When I was 5 months my OBGYN referred me to a specialist because they detected a problem. The specialist determined that my son had gastroschisis. This is a condition in which the fetus’s intestines are growing on the outside of the body. The specialist assured me that my son would be okay. That the pediatric surgeon would simply put the intestines back in the inside and sew up his abdominal wall.

O.J had surgery on June 29, 2008 the day after his birth. His surgeon Dr. Parker called me and said that his abdominal wall had closed while he was in my womb and cut off the blood circulation to the intestines on the outside, and they had died off. My son has 19 centimeters of intestines left. This forced them to put him on a colostomy bag. All the doctors that I have spoken with have told me that my son’s intestines are to short for him to sustain life. They gave me the option to send him home with hospice and let him die. My son is too beautiful and full of life to let anyone give up on him especially me. They said the only other option is for him to get an intestinal transplant. Due to his condition he can’t eat by mouth. He is fed intravenously, artificial nutrition called TPN. The doctors told me that the TPN deteriorates the liver over a long period of time, and they predict that he will also need a liver transplant because of that.

We will have to move out to New York or Nebraska for the transplants, and the problem is that I don’t have the means. The social worker at the hospital said that I can stay there while he’s there. But when he is discharged she can’t do very much. I have to stay there after the surgery so I can go to his follow up visits. I need help raising the money so I can be there for my little prince. Please help me!

I receive dozens of emails from other members concerning events and things that they may need. I really need my NABFEME sisters to help me out right now. I’m begging you to please spread the word on my situation. I will appreciate any references, referrals, support, sponsors, and monetary donations. We are currently at Egleston Hospital at Emory. We will be here a while because he got sick and they want to do another surgery on him before the transplant. This will be his 3rd surgery and he’s only 4 months. He is very strong!

I know that you are so powerful and you have so many connections, that with the help of God you can give my son a chance at life. Sisters, my son is the world to me and his dad, and we are willing to do anything to help our son through this. We love him to the fullest extent possible and he has a lot going on with him but we are going to stay strong and fight this. Anything that you can do, anyone who you could connect us with will be greatly appreciated. Thank you immensely! You are a beautiful person inside and out. Continue to be blessed.

Sincerely,

Brittany McMullen.

Join Only In The A on December 10th, 2008 at the Hammonds House Museum (503 Peeples Street, SW, Atlanta, GA 30313) for this cocktail awards reception and fundraiser to assist with the medical expense for Ojore Jevell Bryant and Brittany McMullen.

Special thanks to Blue Boy Media, ATL2nite.com, NABFEME and The Style Suite.

For more information on how you can help, please contact Lenora Bowler at 404.543.7376 or BElenora at gmail.com

If you haven’t had a chance to vote, click here to view the official list of 2008 CHOZEN Award Nominees

Reflection November 11, 2008

Ok, so I know I have talked your ear off about politics in the last few months. It just had just become such a major part of my life (something I never would have anticipated) and honestly I can say Im proud that I chose to dedicate that much time to something for my own personal gain. What I mean by that is, a lot of people say they don’t get into politics because it’s something that they cant change, so why bother. I feel, when you choose not to be knowledgeable on the subject, you completely take yourself out of the conversation that the whole world is having. Whether or not your ONE voice can change the world or not, don’t sell yourself short by not knowing about it at all. Ok, politics, enough said… for now.

So, this past weekend I caught a flu bug. I know, awful right? Well not really. It actually helped me get a bit closer to my mother and allowed me to tell my father what exactly his negative presence in my life has done to me. When I moved to Atlanta this past summer, I brought only the belongings that I could fit into my small car. Therefore, I left my winter clothes, computer, and a lot of other large items at my uncle’s house (my father’s brother). My father and my stepmother said as a graduation present they would pay for the shipping of all of my things to Georgia within the following months. Needless to say, here it is November, and I have yet to receive my winter clothes. And needless to say, I have gotten sick because I do not have my winter clothes which includes my coats and jackets.

Yes, I should have just been making arrangements to get them sent down here myself, but every time I went to ask my father he said he was working on it, and ultimately I just wanted to think that nattered enough to my father that he would take care of it. On Sunday night I found out that was so far from the truth. This is my dilemma. How can a father, who supposedly loves his daughter so much, I mean I am named after him for God’s sake, care so little about not only keeping his word, but the well being of his little girl in these frigid months! Something I have had to come to terms with was the conversation that followed. Besides me calling and asking about the status of my things being sent down here I have not had a conversation with my father since July. He has not called ONCE to see how I was doing, where I was working, or what was going on new in my life. My heart has broken from the things he has done so many times and its come to the point now where I’m just numb.

I was also scheduled to go on a trip this past Aug, with my step-mom(my father’s wife) to Santa Domingo. We had planned this trip long before I graduated in May of 08 and the agreement was that they would take care of all of my expenses as another part of my graduation gift. I ended up missing the trip because I could not financially take it, and that initial agreement that stated that they would take care of the financials all of a sudden became VOID. Wow right, no just something I have become so used to. My father saying one thing, promising another, and not following through with either, lol all I can do these days is laugh. Probably to hide the tears, but what can you do? When we talked this past Sunday I asked him straight up. What have I done to you as a daughter that is so awful, that you won’t call me, wont make sure that I have my things in this cold winter, or keep your word on anything you say? What or who in this wold could make you abandon the fragile relationship that you already have with me? And why don’t you love me enough to fight for me or care enough to makes things right with us? I have to wake up everyday and think about those things as I’m surrounded by family and friends that at least have their parent or parents that express their love.

When my father left us when I was 14, I picked up the pieces and my mother, my sister, and I had to manage. I forgave him for making us lose the only home I had ever known, being uprooted from the schools and friends I had grown to love, and being subjected to abuse. At the end of the day he was my father, and all I really ever wanted was for him to love me enough to fight for me. My father told me that he had not been in touch because he had been upset about the way I handled things this past summer. Those things meaning missing the trip that his wife had planned for me and her. Are you serious? He basically had chosen to sever the ties between me and him again because I did something he did not like to his wife. It all became so clear again. I will never be the priority in his world, like I wasn’t when he left, I won’t be any time in the near future.

The purpose of me writing this is to say to all of those fathers out there, or all of those daughters who just wanted a daddy to care for them, please keep forging on. No one is worth your tears, your pain, or your heart. When a person loves you, they do so because they want to, not because they are supposed to. And they don’t just speak those three words, they show you through their actions. True enough, I know who my father is, he was an active part of my life for a while, but a lot of the time I feel as though he should have just walked away like so many others have. Him being present in my life but constantly withdrawing himself and showing me that me and my feeling didn’t matter hurt just as bad as it would have if he were just a sperm donor. He never told me to my face that I wasn’t important to him, but how he has treated me means just as much. Please don’t be that father. Don’t be that man. Let the daughters and all the women in your life know how important they are to you at every opportunity that presents itself. It will go far.

In my life I have had to be strong. I have had to be the bigger person for so long and to so many. After a while it just seems as though someone would recognize that and want to come take that burden off of me. But then I have to remember that God does not put anything in our lives that we are not capable of handling. There is so much I still need to learn and still need to accomplish, but one thing that I do have in tact is my heart and the way that I treat the ones I love.

Time For Change November 4, 2008

Today is a day that I have prayed for for my entire young life. It’s a day that has never come before in history and one that will always be remembered in the future. Today, there is an African American man at the top of the ballot running as the presidential candidate for the United States of America. It’s nice to acknowledge that this campaign and the support of Barack Obama is not only because he is a Black man, but a qualified one. Yet it is important to recognize the important of a man of color being able to run. There was a time, not too long ago, when African Americans could not stand in line with whites, dine in restaurants with whites, or attend schools with them. Blacks were raped, beaten, enslaved, and lynched for things as simple as looking at their white counter parts in their eyes, not saying “yes Maam” or “No Sir” when being spoken to, or speaking out against the harsh and cruel treatment that they had been subjected to. The confidence and dignity of an entire race was stripped and if it was not for the most admirable Civil Rights activist such as Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Frederick Douglas, and Rosa Parks to name a few, we would still be waiting for a chance to be considered equal. During The Civil Rights movement racial segregation and the disenfranchisement that took place made blacks feel as though they would never be treated as equals to their white counter parts.

Now, this is far from a history lesson but it is important to understand our history and to understand the pride and excitement and long awaited justification that many minorities feel. My grandmother picked cotton in the fields of Southern Georgia and cleaned houses for white families to support her own. She fought hard to make a better life for her children and shed tears when the idea of a man of color being elected to president became more than an idea, but a fact. In this country there were many injustices besides those towards just African Americans. Native Americans were forced off their land and killed, Hispanics, many Caribbeans, Asians, and many other minority groups were treated as second class citizens. America, the land of the free, has not always lived up to it’s ” Land of the Free” name and instead taken a “Holier Than Thou” approach. But today is a new day, a new time, and change is coming. The new generation is much more accepting and understanding of others.

We are a generation of HOPE! A generation of CHANGE! And a generation of ACCEPTANCE! It’s time that we band together and love each other to support the change that Americans needs. We all live in this great country and it is up to us to be the change that we hope to happen. Regardless of who you vote for, this election in monumental. The opportunity for a woman to become vice President, the opportunity for a Black man to become President. Either way, we are changing our future one vote at a time. Please take the time to vote. Show your sincerest gratitude for those who came before you to sacrifice their pride, their humanity, and often times their lives to give you the opportunity to let your voice be heard. There are places in this world still today where citizens have no voice and no right to oppose the way in which the country the live is ran. It is something that should not be taken for granted. I encourage those who think that their 1 vote cannot count, to do their homework. In elections past each of those single votes did count, and even if they were not to make the difference in their candidate being elected, do it for the ancestors.

It is bigger than a candidate being black, it is about a candidate being an advocate for love and acceptance of all. One who is interested in changing this country and ultimately changing this world. You decide, but Obama, You’ve got my VOTE!!!

Real Unconditional Love? August 14, 2008

 

I was always told that unconditional love was what a mother felt the moment she set eyes on the new life in which she delivered. So what exactly is unconditional love? It seems that all too many mothers today have forgotten the very essence of the word unconditional.

Webster defines unconditional as being: not conditional or limited. Therefore unconditional love is a kind of that that has no conditions or stipulations set. It is how a mothers is SUPPOSED to love her child, and even more importantly it is how as a mother, I WILL love.

I am not yet a mother but I know what it means to love someone to the extent that it hurts. During my mother’s pregnancy she endured numerous miscarriages and thought she would never be able to bear children. She fought long and hard to have me, was restricted to her bed for months, and dealt with the agonizing reality that I may not be born healthy. And then, there I came. A blessing from God himself!

From the time I was a young child, I was very much considered a Daddy’s girl. Although he had not physically delivered me, I became his pride and joy. My mother primped and pruned me to be a dainty little girl, bows in my head and ruffled socks on my feet. I was always a girly girl, but it was my father who always made me feel like a princess. When I got in trouble he reprimanded me, and then he wrapped me up in his arms and told me how much it hurt him to punish me. When I did poorly i school, he took away my television privileges and TV time, and then he let me sneak and stay up past my bed time to watch old westerns with him. You see, my father was always very stern but I never questioned how much he loved me.

Now I know it seems as though my mother was of little importance in my life and that could not be farther from the truth. My mother was always a Queen. She taught me how to be a lady, and how to conduct myself as so. She encouraged me to participate in sports, fine arts competitions, honor societies, and everything else that would allot me opportunities in my future. But she was hard on me. It came from her belief that anything less than excellent was not acceptable, and without that I probably would have become a different young lady. But her words were often harsh, and her tone was not always forgiving… and more than anything I never felt as though I was as good as she wanted me to be.

My parents divorced when I was 14, and at that time if felt as though my entire world had crumpled. My younger sister and I took the brunt of my mothers anger and frustration when my father left, and it became evident that I was the resemblance to him that made her stomach crawl. Her words became that much more abrasive, and her demeanor became that much more harsh. Was it me? I felt wrong for loving my father and ashamed that I was not able to keep them together.

It was during these times that the unforgivables happened. An unsuccessful attempt at suicide when I was 16 left her saying, “Go ahead, kill yourself…..A night of frustration made her pack all of my things in black trash bags and thrown them off the balcony of our apartment into the yard made me feel like nothing. Her anger that brought her on a raid to my high-schoolduring the day to pull me  out of class to say the most nausiating things made me want to run and hide forever. It was these things that I did not understand, and even more so made me feel that she could not love me unconditionally.

The truth be hind the matte was that she was hurt. My father abandoned her with with two children to raise   while he went off with another woman to play daddy in their house. I get it now, why she did and felt the way she did. But never can or will I understand how a mother could tale those tings out on the life in which she brought into this world. Unconditional love is something so beautiful and something that should never be tainted or questioned. At this point in my life I understand, no I sympathise with her struggle. She gave up her life and everything she had to make it for us. And I will always love, respect, and admired her for that. But there have been many days that I did not feel as though I was loved unconditionally, by either one of them.

I am not yet a mother but I am an adult. And when I have children it will be my most important goal to ensure that my children feel as though I love them more than life, even on my worst days. It is that kind of love and emotion that they will carry with them for the entirety of their lives.

Disney’s First Black Princess August 3, 2008

 

Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures

As a young girl, I was infatuated with Walt Disney’s animated movies. There was always a dark villain with a scary name, a helpful gang of kooky friends to make me laugh, a handsome prince charming to come and make everything in the world better, and most of all a beautiful princess.

The princess was always my favorite character. Whether it was Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, Pocahontas or Cinderella! You see, they were magical; beautiful and heroic, and I wanted to be just like them. They always had long hair, bright smiles, and what stood out the most was their fair looking skin. It never quite looked like mine, and I remember recognizing that at an early age. And it’s things like this that give children complexes about themselves when they cannot identify with the characters in which they hold the highest regard.

Walt Disney has finally been brought up to date with the times in their first animated film staring a Black princess. The Princess and the Frog: An American Fairy Tale, which has a Dec. 25, 2009 release date will be Disney’s first attempt to tell the Black fairy tale. Now, will be a movie for those little girls with brown skin to look at and feel proud. It’s not that Walt Disney has been completely ignorant to the everchanging multicultural world we live in, but they have seemed to depict many other nationalities and ethnic backgrounds before that of African Americans or other races of Black. And now it has come time. Introducing Princess Tiana…

I’m happy because it is time. I want the daughter that I hope to have one day be able to watch all of the movies that brought me joy and happiness in my childhood, and I want those dreams of hers to be her reality. The more movies that come out showing children and people of different backgrounds getting along, working together, and learning form one another, without putting each other down, the better off a society we will be.

Critics will definitely have a lot to say once the release date draws near, but it is up to us as individuals to see the bigger picture. The name Tiana came after much scrutiny over the previous name, Maddy. Critics said the princesses name reminded them of a slaver a name and the film’s New Orleans setting was menaced by voodoo and old southern idealisms.  The bottom line is there will always be critics when there is upcoming change. As we live in this world coexisting, we have to show the beauty in each other and without understanding there can/will never be any type of peace…

Dispelling the Myths July 23, 2008

I hate stereotypes. One reason this blog was so important to me was to dispel the myths that all young women of color, particularly Blacks and Hispanics, do nothing progressive in their lives but exude sexuality, make babies, and cause trouble. The media is largely responsible for this, I know, as they broadcast the worst stories from urban communities, develop television and movie roles that play into awful stereotypes for the world to view, and exploit our music. All the while failing to acknowledge that African American only make up a dismal 13%, so how could we possibly have the negative impact and influence that is claimed when the numbers just don’t add up.

I’m a recent college graduate who graduated in the top of her class. I went to college on an academic scholarship and was involved in numerous student organizations and activities from after school mentoring, to the newspaper, to holding a leadership position in our public relations organization. But most importantly, it wasn’t just me. The friends that I surrounded myself with were more impressive than I. All of this is to say that the stereotypes are not always true. African American women are attending and graduating college at in increasingly high rate and taking on leadership roles in the workplace, and at a faster rate than their male counterparts.

See Rehema Ellis, NBC News correspondent’s article entitled African American Women: Where They Stand. http://dailynightly.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/11/26/480738.aspx.

The truth of the matter is, it is up to us to let the truth be known. We are making change, and at a very progressive rate. Despite the frustration that I feel every time I turn on BET and there’s a video with a beautiful woman shaking her butt as opposed to speaking her mind, I know the times are changing. I have a younger sister, and she’s the single most important person in my life. It’s up to me to show her how to be a lady and make educated decisions. As she gets ready to enter her 11th grade year of high school, I am that much more determined to make my voice be heard in the hopes of a better life for her.

Below I have posted the links to a few videos clips about the advancement of African American women from NBC Nightly News:

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=msnbc&vid=a5cb5dd4-e890-49d9-9615-c61f6d4f6823

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=msnbc&vid=400f8224-0e5d-4d7c-a31e-42b8dec0e3d1

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=msnbc&vid=bbd35b81-c915-452c-bfe4-01433b56cf38

Why sweetheart? You’re still so young… July 21, 2008

So, today is a blessing as was yesterday. But I really want to know what is going on in the minds of our teenage girls? Sometimes even in recognizing the things that are given to us each day, I question why God has allowed certain happenings. Wrong I know, to question he creator, but I sometimes I do.

My 17 year old cousin is now the mother to the most beautiful 7 month year old little boy by the name Treshawn. He is absolutely breathtaking, but nonetheless he has been broungt into the world more disadvantaged than he should be simply because his mother has not established her life yet. But God is good, because Tre is not only a beautiful infant, but he is an incredibly easy baby to care for. He only cries when he is hungry, sleepy, or in need of a diaper change. Other than that, he is typically smiling from ear to ear showing of the deepest dimples ever, scooting across the floor on his belly, or cruising in his walker with his chubby bo legs! He’s just a happy baby. No fuss and all laughs, my little cousin Tre.

His mother is 17; and I’d be lying to say she was not loving or compassionate towards her son. But I see her frustration. Very seldom does Tre cry but when he’s sleepy and she’s tired I can that her patience is wearing thin. On the weekend, she still wants to hang out with her friends or “babydaddy” and often tries to find a family member or a friend to babysit.

I get it, trust me. The desire to have a life that you are completely responsible and that needs you to survive. It’s a very important feeling and an even more very special one. But it was too soon, way too soon. And the worst part about it is that she planned it. Even at this point, 7 months in, she thinks it was good that she had her baby at a young age so she wouldn’t be an old mother. Although that point is valid, she neglected to address the facts that she is still in high school, has no job, and does not live on her own. So why would you want to bring a child into the world when you can’t even take care of yourself.

It bothers me so much because I love my cousin so much. she’s such an intelligent and beautiful girl ( a lot of mouth!) but an incredibly sweet girl. But her attitude towards those who just want to help her is unfortunate. She will always have the love and support if me and the rest of her family. But it is going to take her to ensure that her child life is happy and prosperous. And it can be, but its going to be hard.

I just want to be another voice to our young girls. Take your time, I promise love, and relationships, and mommyhood will come. But do it when you are old enough to have a career and your finances are in line, do it when you have a husband so you can have someone there to support you every step of the way, and most of all do it when you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of being a mom. being responsible for a life, like I said earlier, is a very special job but it’s an even bigger responsibility.

Below I have left some links for parents to some interestingsites and articles about teen pregnancy, I hope they are helpful to someone. I will definitely be sharing them with my cousin…

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/SS/SS11_MotherhoodandMarriage.pdf

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/SS/SS1_firstsex.pdf

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/SS/SS14_Sex.pdf

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/SS/SS20_ReligionandExperience.pdf

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/Bridging_FINAL.pdf

Grants for Single Mothers

http://www.freegrantkit.net/singlemothers.htm

10 Tips for Parents to Help Their Children Avoid

Teen Pregnancy

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has reviewed research about parental influences on children’s sexual behavior and talked to many experts in the field, as well as to teens and parents themselves. From these sources, it is clear that there is much parents and adults can do to reduce the risk of teen pregnancy.

Many of these ideas presented here will seem familiar because they articulate what parents already know from experience — like the importance of maintaining strong, close relationships with children and teens, setting clear expectations for them, and communicating honestly and often with them about important matters. Research supports these common sense ideas. We hope that these tips can increase the ability of parents to help their children pass safely into adulthood pregnancy-free.

So, what to do?

1. Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes.
Communicating with your children about sex, love, and relationships is often more successful when you are clear in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your own attitudes and values, think about the following kinds of questions.

~ What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active — perhaps even becoming parents? Is abstinence best for teens?
~ Who is responsible for setting limits in a relationship and how is that done, realistically?
~ Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues?
~ Is abstinence best for teens? What do think about teens using contraception?

2. Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific.
Young people have lots of questions about sex, love, and relationships. And they often say that the source they’d most like to go for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open, and respectful. If you can’t think of how to start the discussion consider using situations shown on TV or in the movies as conversation starters. Tell teens candidly and confidently what you think and why you believe what you do. If you’re not sure about some issues, tell them about that, too. Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask them what they think and what they know so you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them.

Age-appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child’s life and continue through adolescence. Resist the idea that there should be just one conversation about all this — you know, “the talk.” Think 18 year conversation. The truth is that parents and kids should be talking about sex and love all along. This applies to both sons and daughters and mothers and fathers. All teens need large amounts of communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don’t appear to be interested in what you have to say. And if you have regular conversations, you won’t worry so much about making a mistake, because you’ll always be able to talk again.

Many inexpensive books and videos are available to help with any detailed information you might need, but don’t let your lack of technical information make you shy. Kids need as much help in understanding the meaning of sex as they do in understanding how all the body parts work. Tell them about love and sex, and what the difference is. And remember to talk about the reasons that kids find sex interesting and enticing; discussing only the “downside” of unplanned pregnancy and disease misses many of the issues on teenagers’ minds.

3. Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents.
Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you don’t get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe, but also are engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids’ whereabouts doesn’t make you a nag; it makes you a parent.

4. Know your children’s friends and their families.
Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children’s friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child’s friends share rather than one that makes him or her different — but even if your views don’t match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children’s friends into your home and talk to them warmly and openly.

5. Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating.
Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about your strong preference about this throughout childhood — don’t wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don’t like the particular person or invitation.

6. Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is.
And don’t allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl. But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl. Try setting a limit of no more than a two (or at most three) year age difference. The power differences between older boys or men and younger girls can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex and sex with no protection.

7. Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood.
The chances that your son or daughter will delay having sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their future appears bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Tell them, for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming pregnant — or causing pregnancy — can derail the best of plans; for example, child care expenses might make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, can not only teach job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults.

8. Let your kids know that you value education highly.
Encourage your child to take school seriously and set high expectations about their school performance. School failure is often the first sign of trouble and can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your child’s progress in school and intervene early if things aren’t going well. Keep track of your children’s grades in school and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of yours your teenagers gives to part-time jobs (20 hours a week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked.

9. Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to.
The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and no one who is having sex ever seems to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be media literate— think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to.

You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions, and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment.

10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of a strong, close relationship with your children, that is built from an early age.
Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help:

~ Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of warmth and love should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement.
~ Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do.
~ Spend time with your child engaged in activities that suit his age and interests, not just yours. Shared experiences build a “bank account” of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with him about specific topics, including sexual behavior.
~ Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend her sports events; learn about his hobbies; be enthusiastic about her achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want to know what is going on in their lives.
~ Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. Don’t compare your teenager with other family members (i.e., why can’t you be like your older sister?). Show that you expect courtesy and respect from them in return.
~ Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by doing something well.
~ Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, using the time for conversation, not confrontation

Welcome to my World!!! July 18, 2008

Brown Skin

I truly want to take the time to thank any and all visitors who come across my page. This page is dedicated to dispelling the myth that all women of color are simply uneducated, sex objects that are more consumed with materialistic things than their own personal advancement. This blog will be where Style, Class, and Sophistication meet the urban woman.

Well here we are. On this blog I hope to feature women of all ages from all ethic backgrounds and tell their stories of humanitarianism and success. I also want to be able to highlight public figures, entertainers, and local heroines who make a difference, so our younger generations see that it pays to be strong, independent, and educated.

Hopefully, through candid conversation posts and the ability to put the stories that I feel are important for the world to hear, we will all be a little more informed.

Now, I am a women nonetheless so there will be fashion and beauty extras!

First…Love Yourself